Men Who Design Bathrooms….

October 30, 2011 § Leave a comment

Andre is the man-about-Paris…

Being the Man he of course has a hotel. It is called Hotel AMOUR and has themed, small and often dark rooms.

Andre himself is not themed but is small and dark. As are his bathrooms. Now a small bathroom isn’t such a bad thing, make it into a wet-room, add a massive window looking out across your bed giving you a framed image of your LOVE sleeping or they can watch you lather up… Oh it’s all very Blondie ‘I Would Give You My Finest Hour…’ or a night at Raid depending on your bent but share a room with girls, tall girls and a few things become immediately obvious.

Firstly the basins are low, real low, low-rider low, like Base How Low Can You Go low….. do not wash your face when wearing heels. Learnt that the hard way. Got vertigo bringing my head back up.

Secondly black marble and dim lighting are both dead sexy and possibly give you a very good glow when you are being watched by your very own Jimmy Stewart through the window but neither are good when putting on make up. In basic terms it’s like applying blusher while staring in Bohemian Rhapsody.

After a quick scrub and a change of frock Pippa, myself and Gwen escaped from our boudoir and squeezed into the well-lit mirrored lift. There we saw that our faces were less Coco Chanel and more Coco the Clown…. ‘Just Gotta Get Out, Just Gotta Get Right Out Of Here’.

This weekend I stayed at a smart Dutch hotel with pamphlets on the side table asking me to recycle towels and reminding me of my size 40 carbon foot print. Of course this waste not want not stretched to energy-saving light bulbs, fitted in all the rooms giving out their passive/aggressive glow. This meant that the huge avocado bathroom radiated green like The Hulk being given a parking ticket.

Back in London I checked my phone pictures and found 2 I’d taken in the bathroom both of which work I think in a Nan Goldin kinda way. If Nan Goldin ever took self portraits on a cassette covered iPhone….


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